At Exactly This Time Many Moons Ago: E's Birth Story

Lorelai: And, it's so hard to believe that at exactly this time many moons ago I was lying in exactly this same position...
Rory: Oh, boy. Here we go...
Lorelai: ...only I had a huge fat stomach and big fat ankles and I was swearing like a sailor...
Rory: ...on leave...
Lorelai: ...on leave! Right! And, there I was...
Rory: ...in labor...
Lorelai: ...and, while some have called it, the most meaningful experience of your life, to me it was something more akin to doing the splits on a crate of dynamite.

One year ago today was when it all started. E’s birth story, that is.

It was my 39-week checkup. Everything looked good. I was still only 3 cm. And the baby didn’t look like he was going anywhere. Or he could come at any moment. And at the end, just as my doctor was walking out the door, I asked if we would discuss at my 40-week appointment, if an induction was necessary. (I’m a worst-case-scenario kinda gal and as much as I was hoping and praying he’d arrive the second I turned 37 weeks, I was mentally prepared to go 41.)

She stopped, and casually mentioned, “oh, I’m leaving for Spring Break on Friday.”

Me: Ok. You’ve known my due date for like last nine months and never thought to mention your planned vacation to the Magical Kingdom till now but cool.

What I actually said: Ok, so I’ll just talk to [insert other OB] next week then. NOTE: I specifically chose this OB / GYN because there were two of them in the practice and you see them both throughout your pregnancy to get comfortable with each in case the other needs to deliver the baby.

OB: Oh, she’ll be on vacation too.

Me: OK so who is going to deliver my baby?!

After some discussion it was determined (much to my relief and without a fight, which I thought there would be) that they could induce me that day in the hopes I would give birth before she left on Friday (three days away). Phew.

I had planned on giving birth at Kapiolani (even filled out the forms in preparation) but Queen’s was the only hospital of the two that would induce at 19 weeks. Honestly, I didn’t care too much.

So off we went to pack and enjoy our last few hours of freedom. That night we had an early dinner and literally, were in the parking lot of Queen’s Hospital when my phone rang. They were short on nurses and too many women were in labor and they couldn’t admit me. GRRRRRRRR.

There was a lot of calls that night, and the next morning, but finally they were able to admit me at 7 am. They walked me right into my room, hooked me up and did their thing. The ball was rolling. Literally. I think they stick a ball in you to dilate your cervix. Fun, I know.

Everything for the next 12 hours was pretty much a blur. Around 10 am a nurse recommended I get Fentanyl for the pain, so I did. Then around noon they suggested the epidural which I hastily agreed to (I’d heard a horror story from a friend who wanted an epidural but the guy was stuck in a delivery and couldn’t administer it). Even that wasn’t too bad, and when he came in I chastised him for not making it in time for my friend (yes, I know it probably wasn’t even the same guy).

Honestly, (don’t hate me) but the most painful thing I remember from this whole ordeal were the dang IVs, which left me with huge bruises on my arms for weeks after. Todd ate (not in front of me, cause he was afraid… even though I assured him it was fine and I miraculously wasn’t hungry). He slept (I think). I slept (I think). A Criminal Minds marathon played on the TV. I was sad that I couldn’t do work on my laptop because (again) of the cursed IV. I think I played some Tsum Tsum.

Around 7 p.m. it was go time. E however, was a no go. He was sunny side up. Which meant, the nurses informed me, that it would take an extra hour to get him out. They were right. Thanks a lot, E.

All I remember from this time is that when E was ready to be born (literally, Todd told me he thought E could have been born in one or two more pushes) they actually made me stop pushing for like 30-45 minutes because the doctor was stuck in traffic (*eye roll*). Also, I remember the stern “talking to” that the nurse, Hope (yes still remember that name) gave me because she thought I wasn’t trying hard enough. I appreciated and probably needed that. I know Todd wouldn’t have dared tell me anything of that nature (smart man that he is). And the tip she gave me about how to push. Because two pushes later, E was here.

Todd cut the cord and we looked at the tiny, squishy little alien wriggling on my chest. I spiked a fever so they couldn’t save any of my cord blood and also had to keep my IV in for the rest of my hospital stay (did I mention how the IVs were the worst, most painful part of this whole birth experience… I know you probably don’t care).

That, my dear E, when you read this one day, is how you came into this world.

Also, I’d like to state for perpetuity, that after 18 hours of not eating, 12 hours of labor and three hours of pushing, your Dad told me that he was tired from holding my leg for three hours. Remember that. Or actually you might not have to if I read you this same story every year.

The end.